Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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