I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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