i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
