My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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