I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The cops high fived after they tackled you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
