can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
