yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
