i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
