Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
