I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
