Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you traded sex for a burrito?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
