Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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