well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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