this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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