dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
