i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
