They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
