Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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