Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
