I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
