Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Rumble strips road head = magical
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
