I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
