If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
