sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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