hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
