Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This baby is an asshole
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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