So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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