she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
