she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
