if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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