so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
