What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
