I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
