The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
