It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
