Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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