Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
