I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
