Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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