Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
