Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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