do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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