ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
