sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
