just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
