that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im holly from the hills drunk
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
