So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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