considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
