I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
