how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
