i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
