dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
