Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
