Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
