He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
