At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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