That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
