my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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